Radar
by I.W.P-chan
Summary: In which Victor is a Rich Guy with a tendency to go traipsing around the world at the drop of a hat and his parents hire a group of trained agents to keep track of him.


Summary: In which Victor is a Rich Guy with a tendency to go traipsing around the world at the drop of a hat and his parents hire a group of trained agents to keep track of him.

Alt. title: 'The Adventures of the Victor Nikiforov Tracking Team/Stalking Squad'

 **Warnings: Not to be taken seriously, Shameless Self-Indulgence, I don't even know what to call this type of fic, Language, Really Ridiculous, Shenanigans.**

 **Disclaimer:** Don't own YOI.

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Yuri Plisetsky is eighteen, and this is his first day as a member of the Victor Nikiforov Tracking Team (affectionately known as the Victor Nikiforov Stalking Squad).

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Yuri sits down, waiting for his shift to start in a few minutes.

The door bangs open. A red head walks in, looking quite cheerful.

(Of course she is, she has just finished her shift and will finally have her break.)

"Guess who gets to chase after Victor all the way to India?" Mila, the red head, beams at Yuri.

"India?" Yuri asks, incredulous.

"He wanted to try authentic Indian food." Mila shrugs.

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When Yuri sneaks into the hotel Victor is staying in during his stay in India, he finds Victor's room empty.

Yuri curses.

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Yuri tracks Victor all the way to Italy.

Yuri finds Victor flirting with the new waiter at a café in Palermo.

Yuri loses Victor on their way back to Russia in Rome.

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How the ever loving fuck does a guy as distinct as Victor disappear in a crowd, escaping from a trained agent like Yuri, is what Yuri wants to know.

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Three days later, Yuri gets a new lead on Victor, in the form of a photo posted online on his social media account of him chilling in Hawaii and trying to permanently turn the face of the bartender serving him a drink red from blushing too much.

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Yuri misses Victor by only half an hour, according to the blushing and stuttering bartender.

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Yuri dreads the remaining four weeks of his shift.

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Over the span of only three weeks, Yuri chases Victor across seventeen different countries.

Victor appears to be enjoying himself more than he should as he tries new food and romances various people.

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Think of the paycheck, Yuri has to remind himself multiple times a day.

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#1

Victor is in a strip club in Detroit, getting a lap dance.

Yuri chases him with a barstool. The stripper giving Victor the lap dance screeches in indignation as he jumps off Victor's lap. Victor laughs as he ducks Yuri's attempts to splatter his brain all over the floor.

("Not that he has much of a brain in the first place," Yuri mutters, disgruntled, as he takes a vicious bite of his sandwich.)

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#2

Victor is in a flower shop in Vancouver, buying a bouquet of flowers all while trying to make the florist as flustered as possible by lingering skin contact and prolonged staring into the florist's eyes.

Yuri stomps into the shop. The florist squeaks and hides behind the counter. Victor smiles at Yuri and prances out of the backdoor before Yuri can dropkick him.

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#6

Victor is at a hair salon in Valencia, flirting with the hairdresser doing his hair.

This time, Yuri enters through the backdoor.

By the time he soundlessly sneaks into the main room of the salon where Victor is, Victor is gone. The hairdresser is left with a dazed expression, looking thoroughly kissed, and touching her lips with a small giddy smile.

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"You know, you can always call the No. 1 Victor Stalker of the Squad. He always knows where Victor is. _Always._ "

"Shut up, Mila."

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#10

Victor is participating in a dog show with Makkachin in Marseille.

This time, Yuri settles to watch the dogs.

(He believes that the adorably grouchy poodle who comes in second place- and whose owner just got flirtatiously winked at by Victor- is fucking cute.)

Victor takes the owner of the second poodle out on a walk with their poodles, where he proceeds to shower her in compliments.

Yuri chases after them, but he loses Victor after two hours.

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#13

Switzerland.

What happens in Switzerland stays in Switzerland.

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"Are you sure that you don't need to contact our best agent for help?"

"I'm sure."

"Well… what about their partner and second best agent?"

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#15

Victor is in Bangkok.

Why is Victor even in Thailand?

Answer: to watch the ice show, Phichit On Ice.

What luck, that Victor's traipsing around the world and flirting with at least one person in every country leads Yuri directly to the Squad's so-called second best agent, Phichit Chulanont.

Victor is distracted by watching the Japanese skater. Victor appears to be intensely focused. This is the point in which Phichit seeks out Yuri and tells him that under no certain terms is Yuri to ruin the day for Yuuri, Phichit's friend and the Japanese skater currently performing and holding the entirety of Victor's attention, or else Yuri shall suffer the consequences.

(Yuri doesn't listen at first, which leads him to discover the fact that Phichit is the King of anything SNS. He doesn't speak about it.)

By the end of the day, Victor is gone, leaving in his wake a heavily blushing Japanese skater.

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"One of the reasons our best agent is our best agent is because not only do they always keep track of him successfully, but also because they are always there. Wherever Victor is, chances are that our agent is in the vicinity."

"Huh."

"So, don't hesitate to ask them for help."

"… I'll think about it…"

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#17

Victor is in Sapporo, out on a date with a cute girl in a café.

Yuri watches Victor from a distance as he casually strolls down the street the café is on, fiddling with his phone and with his earphones in, looking like a guy out for a stroll.

Victor's table is one of the outdoors tables, which makes it easier to keep an eye on him.

Yuri watches as Victor leans forward to whisper in the ear of his date, who blushes and giggles at whatever Victor says.

Yuri wants to gag and shout, _'Get a room!'_ But he doesn't want to blow his cover.

Not after his decision to ask for help after everything (and Victor's parents are planning a family outing and want their son present ASAP).

After Victor and his date decide to continue their outing somewhere else, Yuri makes his move.

As Yuri heads towards Victor, Victor turns towards Yuri and smiles, "Looks like you caught up to me. You were never able to keep up with me, what makes you think that you can do this now?"

Yuri smirks and sends the signal he and the Squad's best agent have agreed on earlier.

His smirk turns into a look of shock as Victor's date blurs into motion and knocks Victor out.

"Sorry Victor, but your parents were adamant." The girl looks apologetic. She turns to Yuri and grimaces, "They said that they'll make a statue in my image! _In pure gold!_ " She looks truly distressed.

She pulls Victor close to her body, and dials a number on her phone. A minute later, a car speeds up to them. The driver's door opens and the driver steps out.

"Hey! Great job as always, Yuuri!" Phichit says cheerfully as he helps Yuuri put the unconscious Victor in the car.

After they are done, they drive off.

And this is how Yuri Plisetsky, newest member of the Victor Nikiforov Tracking Team/Stalking Squad, meets Yuuri Katsuki, the No. 1 agent in the same Squad.

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Days later, Yuri will sit up and shock as he remembers the details of his shift and realizes A Very Important Detail, "Oh fuck!"

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"He was the waiter at the café in Palermo!"

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"The bartender? What?"

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Choke.

" _ **THE STRIPPER!**_ FUCKING-"

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"-the florist?- "

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"-the hairdresser?- "

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"- _the owner of the adorable dog!_ "

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Yuri is impressed.

But this brings up a very important question:

"How does the shithead keep gravitating towards Katsuki every time?"

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Somewhere out there, Victor laughs, and wonders when his Squad will realize that he has a Yuuri-radar as good as Yuuri's Victor-radar. For now, he'll kick back in his fancy hotel room, admire Yuuri's figure in a butler outfit, and plan out his next escapade with Yuuri.

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End (part 1?)


End file.
